Baby Elephant

I wish I could sit here and tell you that I feel 100% comfortable in my skin but the truth is, I feel a bit like I've got this MUCH BIGGER version of myself that wants to explode out of my skin much like something out of a truly awful Science Fiction film. I guess it all started way back when I was a million times taller than everyone else in middle school. Let's be honest, no one is pretty in Middle School but I was especially awkward. I was 900 feet tall while everyone else (boys and girls) was a cute 5'2"; I made a very bold choice in cutting ALL of my hair off which was a totally foreign concept to the middle school norm of wearing your hair past your shoulders; I had a mouth full of braces that again I made a very bold choice in choosing TEAL and PURPLE rubber bands to go on them and to top all of this off, I wore sweater vests. A lot. All this to say, that I think it was then that I began to feel a smidge out of place and that has just evolved into my adult life.

Fast Forward about 10 years when I got out of college. I started working and sitting in front of a computer all the time. Gone were the days of bad sweater vests, braces and awkward haircuts, but enter the days of packing on 30+ pounds to my frame. It was then that I started on Weight Watchers. I successfully lost the weight and once again was back to feeling somewhat comfortable. Glorious Glorious Days!

Well, I'm here to tell you I'm back to battling my weight and it's true what they say: it only gets harder and harder as you get older. 3 years ago, it took hardwork and dedication but the pounds started to come off almost immediately. Not this time folks. I have been on Weight Watchers again for about 5 weeks and when I stepped on the scale this morning, I had only lost 3 MEASLY POUNDS. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to throw my scale out the window and go into the kitchen and start stuffing my face. I was livid. I have been working out with my trainer, working out on my own, eating smart ones, eliminating soda, boxing up half my meals at restaurants, and doing just about EVERYTHING that I can think of to do. The only possible explanation I can come up with is that my body has not evolved like the rest of the human race and I am still storing up fat for the winter like a cave woman.

I can't seem to get over the hump. I suppose my only option is to keep plugging away at it and marching to the beat of the Baby Elephant Walk and hope that the pounds will eventually come off….

I’m back………

After a much needed hiatus (because that course I was taking was KILLING me), I'm back and ready to blog again. I think I'm going to stick with my original plan which was just to blog about the things that strike my fancy. What's on my fancy right now is that I have a client that is going to be the death of me I think. I'm not sure if I'm speaking Chinese, jibberish, or possibly the lost language of the Mayans, but these imbeciles refuse to listen or to take any sort of advice. I'm at the end of my rapidly fraying rope. I have half a mind to write them a strongly worded letter but with unemployment being awfully high right now and my tenure being awfully short here, I'll hold myself back. Although in the wise words of my friend Melissa Watson "Everyone needs a little F You every now and then." So true Melissa. So true. These people wore me out so bad that I had to go to bed at like 8:30 last night….awesome seeing as how I'm 26 and most people my age would just be getting started at that time. Oh well.

It's clients like these that get me to thinking and dreaming about doing something that involved me not having to work with idiots and women with RIDICULOUSLY large bangs (I'm not kidding when I say that one of these women is straight out of an episode of Full House where DJ had the most ABSURD bangs. EVER.) Like, I wish I could be like my friend Sara who is currently making quite a little business for herself by making very fashionable burp cloths and what not. Or I wish I could come up with something like Sara Blakely (well really I wish I could just work for Sara Blakely….the woman is a genius and a personal hero of mine). I just wish I could think of something so clever that Oprah would come calling and I'd then be a millionaire overnight. But that hourglass is quickly running out (Farewell Oprah!!! Daytime television will never be the same!), so I can pretty much flush that idea down the toilet.

What I'd really love to do…..really really really….love to do is become a bestselling author. I would love nothing other than to hobknob with people like Jen Lancaster and Emily Giffin. Can you even imagine?!? We'd meet for coffee and talk about our books and how much people love them (well probably not because Jen Lancaster and Emily Giffin are far cooler than me, but that's what I would do). The fame would be amazing but more than that, I would be doing something I loved and would be writing about the things I found fascinating and if people just happened to be wild over it, it would be a pure bonus. I could work from anywhere, work any hours, and take time off whenever I pleased and it would all be under the umbrella of "Creative Process." I lust after days like that.

Oh well…until then I will just have to put up with ridiculous individuals that use phrases like "romance the customer." Lady, I've got news for you….it's a sweepstakes. There is nothing romantic about that and the sooner you come to grips with it the sooner I can go back to daydreaming about topping the NYTimes bestseller list.

Cinderella

I'm feelling a bit like Cinderella right now. The time is drawing perilously close to Midnight and I don't have the allotted number of blogs in yet (still for my course…I know…I feel like I've been taking this thing forever). I hate being late for deadlines. It makes me a little nutty. It reminds me of this time in college when I had a huge paper due. I never pulled all nighters but this time I had to. I had no choice. My teacher was ruthless so I knew I had to get the paper in on time. I worked all night, finding obscure sources, making photocopies (I despise Kinkos) and trying to make the paper as flawless as possible. I finished the paper and rested my head for just a second. I would get up and get the paper in no problem.

Well, I think we all know where this is going. I fell fast asleep. I woke with a start and looked at the clock. I had 7 minutes to get from my off campus apartment to his office and it was at least a fifteen minute treck on a good day. I quickly threw on an oxford shirt and jumped in the car. I sped like a demon, weaving in and out of traffic and narrowly missing Freshman who were blissfully unaware of the pressures of senior year and what that will do to a person. I parked the car in an illegal spot and began hauling ass across campus. For four years, I had held very fast to my one cardinal rule: NEVER run on campus. You look like a dork and whatever you are running to has probably already started so chances are you're screwed anyways. No use committing social suicide by running like an idiot as well. But I RAN. I ran like I was the Johnson guy in the '96 Olympics with the pretentious gold shoes. I ran as if the hounds of hell themselves were chasing me.

And it was raining but I couldn't pay any attention to that. An umbrella would have slowed me down. So I reach the building and I'm breathless and exhausted and as my foot hits the inside marble floor of the building I began flailing about as if I'm some sort of Marionette and my puppetmaster is a cruel bastard. Every muscle in my body was trying to regain balance but with the weak mental state I was in and knowing I had missed the deadline, I succumbed to gravity as my paper flew about me in every direction. Luckily classes had begun so there were only a few stragglers left behind to witness my fall. They rushed to help me up and collect my papers, asking me if I was alright. Honestly, my leg could have been turned around backwards and I would have said yes and limped away to die in a corner. I was mortified and I was LATE. I took my papers and the little bit of dignity I had left and went up to my Professors office.

I softly knocked on his door. "Ummm Professor Moen, I'm sorry I'm late. I tried to get here time but…" my voice began to trail off.

He looked up from his desk and for a moment, I couldn't tell if he was going to eat me alive or if he felt pity for me. "Late? For what?"

"Our term paper. I know it was due at 9:00 AM and it's 9:05."

"Yes, you're correct. But it's due at 9:00 AM on Monday. Not today."

"Oh. Really?? Okay. Well, in that case…here you go." As I laid the soaking wet pieces of paper down on his desk. He looked over his glasses and pushed them back with his pen.

"Give them another look, will you? I have a feeling they may be…disheveled. See you on Monday morning" As I left, I could have sworn I heard him laughing.

I left his office and decided I would take the elevator down. No use risking falling down the stairs today too. I got home and as I passed by the mirror, I stepped quickly back. I looked like an utter crazy person. My oxford shirt was buttoned completely wrong resulting in an asymmetrical look and my hair was like a madwoman's. I had raccoon eyes and my pants were soaking wet. If he didn't know better, I might look like I had been on some four day bender. I was a wreck.

So I crawled into bed and slept for a majority of the day and then that night, treated myself to a nice long shower and a night out. Apparently this Cinderella turns back into a pumpkin at 9 not 12.

 

    

Blogging World

The more I think about this blogging thing, the funnier it become to me. We have the ability to read someone else's thoughts almost like we're reading their journal and yet we don't get chastised for it. Since I am definitely one who loves to snoop, this pseudo-voyeurism really appeals to me. I am constantly reading people's blogs and trying to get an idea of the direction I want to take mine. So I decide that I would give a shout out to those bloggers out there that I love to follow. Check them out when you have a chance!

www.ThePioneerWoman.com

The Holy Mecca of Blogs to me. This lady is a genius. Not to mention, she has a precious Basset Hound named Charlie who is really something else. I'm not kidding. He's great. This chick is cool. She lives on a working Cattle Ranch in the middle of Oklahoma and has four kids (whom she calls Punks) that she homeschools all the while writing a wildly successful cookbook and now her love story about how she fell in love with a rancher (and he's not too shabby himself) is now being made into a movie. Her site is great filled with funny stories, recipes, homeschooling tips, decorating tips and many other mindless wonderful things. She updates everyday. And she's hilarious.

www.Sixinthecity.com

This is another one that I love to read. This lady and her family moved from Colorado to an apartment in NYC after her husband got a job with a non-profit. Her adventures are great and she seems like a cool cat. Plus can you imagine living six people deep in an NYC apartment??? And no, she's not wealthy which makes this blog that much better and that much realer (is realer a word???)

www.nieniedialogues.com

Okay this lady fascinates me. She's been a blogger for a while and then was in a horrific plane crash that left her severely burned and fighting for her life. She blogs about the recovery and her struggles and she is really inspiring. Oh and not to mention, she's got four kids too. Wait, I just noticed all these women I'm reading about have tons of kids…

www.livetofeast.com

This is a friend's blog. He's a fun writer and covers one of my favorite topics : FOOD! He always goes to the newest coolest spots here in Atlanta so if you're local, take a look. Plus it's just a fun read anyway.

 

What are some of your favorite blogs? I read a ton more but I want to know what you like to read!

Fun Facts

I really love quizzes. Like really love them. So okay maybe this isn't a quiz but it's a list of things about myself that I thought might be fun to share with everyone. Some of you know some of this stuff, some of you don't but at any rate, it's always nice to take a moment and realize how strange you really are and then laugh and move on with it. I think like my favorite things list, I'm going to add a "Facts about me list" and as life changes and I change, I'll make additions and subtractions to this list. So Enjoy!

1. If you touch your nose around me, I immediately think I have a bat in the cave and will freak out.
   2) Chicago is my favorite city in the US. I would live there in a heartbeat.
   3) I love to sing songs and incorporate my dog's name into them. For example: "I'm bringin' Turtle Back...yeah...them other Turtle's don't know how to act...yeah"
   4) Every time my sister comes in town, my dad, my sister and I have a yelling contest on our back deck. The goal is to see who can yell the word the loudest and get through it without laughing. The word is ALWATS "elephant." I have never won.
   5) I walked through the entire Kappa Kappa Gamma Tunnel during rush and no one picked me up.
   6) I used to have EXTREMELY short hair. boy short.
   7) I would be a food critic if I could just figure out how to do it.
   8) I once acted like I was my best friend's mom on the phone so she didn't have to go out on a date with a guy. I think he knew it was me the whole time.
   9) I hate dishes in the sink. Literally hate them.
   10) I LOOOOOOVEEEE Alvin and The Chipmunks. They always make me laugh
   11) I have had my car towed a total of 15 times.
   12) I love scrunchies and used to steal them all the time from Jessie. It was payback for all the socks of mine she stole.
   13) My friends and I used to enjoy riding around on Friday mornings hungover at college wearing a shrek mask and yelling at passerbys. Don't knock it until you've tried it.
   14) I used to leave Popcorn out for a fox I had nicknamed Mr. Bojangles at our apartment complex in college until my father warned me that it was probably rabid.
   15) I have broken both of my arms twice and once broke all the toes on my foot.
   16) I still sleep with my baby blanket and can not go to sleep without it.
   17) I once almost wrecked my car in order to get into Sonic because I saw they were serving Diet Dr. Pepper.
   18) On the subject of Sonic, one evening late night, I ate two foot long coneys from Sonic. That's two feet of hot dog folks.
   19) If I could wake up tomorrow and be anywhere, it would be Charleston SC. And I would got to the beach with my best friend and drink gallons of mimosas. It is the perfect day.
   20) I will watch/laugh at Friends anytime it's on TV. It's a great show.
   21) The best summer of my life was spent at Frontier Ranch in Colorado.
   22) I was a competitive cheerleader. That's right. I love spirit fingers.
   23) I love Cocky. I seriously have a crush on him.
   24) I drove through the fence at my grandmother's farm because my best friend told me a ridiculous joke and I started laughing too hard. My entire family (immediate and extended) was there to witness the event.
   25) I haven't eaten Chik-Fil-A in 2 years.
   

   26) I think the way my husband drinks out of a water bottle is so weird. Little sips. GET ON WITH IT already. I think now he does it to annoy me.
   

   27) I HATE folding clothes and putting them away. It is the bane of my existence and I would pay someone to do it for me.
   

   28) I really really really want to be a in a Country Music Video. I think it has to do with my love of boots.
   

   
    

   
    

   That's it for now. But I'll def. keep adding.

Goodies

I've been spending a great deal of time on the internet shopping lately. You see, I've started back on Weight Watchers (Big FAN!) and I'm going to the trainer 2-3 times a week. I don't want to have to do this but the fact remains that I have to, so I begrudgingly drag myself there and count my points like a good girl. Anyway, I've been doing a lot of online shopping because I love to think of the things I'm going to buy myself when I reach my goal.

I've found quite a few things I love so I thought I'd post them here for you all to see

I can not explain why I love these shoes so much. They look like some sort of Medieval torture device but I also think they look super fun and really out there. Maybe with some skinny grey jeans??

Next item:

Now this says it's a market tote but for $400 I can not imagine putting my bottle of Light Ranch in there to slosh around and possibly spill out all over the place…and believe me it would happen to me. Anyway, this company is so cute and I adore these bags so check them out:

Visit www.fleabg.com. They are each individually marked with a stamp and no two are alike. Precious but not for Publix. Unless by Market Tote, they mean Bergdorfs……

Lastly, my obsession are these Tory Burch Snake Skin Flats. I love the them. And I will have them. No, I'm not kidding. If all goes as planned….I will be the proud owner of these sweet babies. I'm ruthless on Ebay.

 

I have plenty more to show you but you must be patient J

Know your limits.

Being a wife can be kind of tough. I have a wonderful l husband who makes me laugh every single day, but sometimes….sometimes he does things that I cannot for the life of me understand. One of those things happens to be leaving dishes in the sink (he has to be allergic) while another is finding, shall I use the term "unique" in lieu of an expletive, places to put everyday items so I can not find them and become increasingly frustrated as the seconds tick by. He's a tidy fellow but will go on these beserk cleaning sprees and once threw out an entire bag of flour in the kitchen for really no good reason other than I think he had whipped himself up into a cleaning frenzy and was intoxicated by the scent of Lysol wipes and Pledge.

However the thing that really really gets me is how he refuses to believe he has limitations. I've already told you about the bike shorts (I shudder to think of the image) but now let me finish that little piece up with the follow up story.

Yesterday, I had a date with myself. I went and got some breakfast and a huge coffee; I went to Nordstroms (I really do love that place); I went to the Trainer (I do NOT love that place but alas I was not blessed with some weird Swedish Bathing Suit model genes so there I must be); and then I went and saw Eat, Pray, Love by myself. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie but I'm not sure the lady next to me did. She was literally snoring halfway through it. It was a fantastic day and I left the movie thinking I would go grab another coffee and head to the Barnes & Noble where I could browse the books for an hour or so and then go home to watch a DVD set of "Frasier" (do not ask, I love that show and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I also LOVE the show Reba. Van cracks me up). Well on my way out of the movie, I felt my phone vibrating and assumed it was my sister or someone calling me. My beloved wasn't set to come home until today so I knew it couldn't be him.

"Hello?"

"It's me."

I couldn't be sure but it sounded like my husband but a much more defeated version of his normally chipper self.

"Hey! How'd the race go??"

"I can't talk. I just need you to come home and bring me pedialyte."

Great. So there went my beautiful Saturday evening. Pedialyte is never a good sign. It either means you've had food poisoning, alcohol poisoning, or you've done something absolutely ridiculous like try to ride 50 miles in the sweltering Georgia heat.

"Ok. Be there in a sec"

I stopped by the local Walgreens, got the Pedialyte and headed home. Now as I've mentioned before, my husband is an extremely tidy person. So when I drove up to our apartment and saw the mound of crap that sat outside our door and my mind flashed back to him saying one time "I don't care if we are dirt poor, we are not going to have a bunch of trash sitting outside of our house", I knew this was bad.

I walked inside and there he was. Lying on the floor, a shell of a man. I got down on the floor next to him and asked him what happened. I won't bore you with the details but needless to say it involved a deluge of rain pouring down on him, a race he wasn't trained for and brakes that completely gave up on him. He feel asleep at 8 last night and didn't wake up until 10 this morning. We had a long talk about limitations and it has now been agreed that he will only sign up for these races when he's trained for them. I'm not sure I can take many more surprises that involve bike shorts.