Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Baby Elephant

I wish I could sit here and tell you that I feel 100% comfortable in my skin but the truth is, I feel a bit like I've got this MUCH BIGGER version of myself that wants to explode out of my skin much like something out of a truly awful Science Fiction film. I guess it all started way back when I was a million times taller than everyone else in middle school. Let's be honest, no one is pretty in Middle School but I was especially awkward. I was 900 feet tall while everyone else (boys and girls) was a cute 5'2"; I made a very bold choice in cutting ALL of my hair off which was a totally foreign concept to the middle school norm of wearing your hair past your shoulders; I had a mouth full of braces that again I made a very bold choice in choosing TEAL and PURPLE rubber bands to go on them and to top all of this off, I wore sweater vests. A lot. All this to say, that I think it was then that I began to feel a smidge out of place and that has just evolved into my adult life.

Fast Forward about 10 years when I got out of college. I started working and sitting in front of a computer all the time. Gone were the days of bad sweater vests, braces and awkward haircuts, but enter the days of packing on 30+ pounds to my frame. It was then that I started on Weight Watchers. I successfully lost the weight and once again was back to feeling somewhat comfortable. Glorious Glorious Days!

Well, I'm here to tell you I'm back to battling my weight and it's true what they say: it only gets harder and harder as you get older. 3 years ago, it took hardwork and dedication but the pounds started to come off almost immediately. Not this time folks. I have been on Weight Watchers again for about 5 weeks and when I stepped on the scale this morning, I had only lost 3 MEASLY POUNDS. 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to throw my scale out the window and go into the kitchen and start stuffing my face. I was livid. I have been working out with my trainer, working out on my own, eating smart ones, eliminating soda, boxing up half my meals at restaurants, and doing just about EVERYTHING that I can think of to do. The only possible explanation I can come up with is that my body has not evolved like the rest of the human race and I am still storing up fat for the winter like a cave woman.

I can't seem to get over the hump. I suppose my only option is to keep plugging away at it and marching to the beat of the Baby Elephant Walk and hope that the pounds will eventually come off….

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I’m back………

After a much needed hiatus (because that course I was taking was KILLING me), I'm back and ready to blog again. I think I'm going to stick with my original plan which was just to blog about the things that strike my fancy. What's on my fancy right now is that I have a client that is going to be the death of me I think. I'm not sure if I'm speaking Chinese, jibberish, or possibly the lost language of the Mayans, but these imbeciles refuse to listen or to take any sort of advice. I'm at the end of my rapidly fraying rope. I have half a mind to write them a strongly worded letter but with unemployment being awfully high right now and my tenure being awfully short here, I'll hold myself back. Although in the wise words of my friend Melissa Watson "Everyone needs a little F You every now and then." So true Melissa. So true. These people wore me out so bad that I had to go to bed at like 8:30 last night….awesome seeing as how I'm 26 and most people my age would just be getting started at that time. Oh well.

It's clients like these that get me to thinking and dreaming about doing something that involved me not having to work with idiots and women with RIDICULOUSLY large bangs (I'm not kidding when I say that one of these women is straight out of an episode of Full House where DJ had the most ABSURD bangs. EVER.) Like, I wish I could be like my friend Sara who is currently making quite a little business for herself by making very fashionable burp cloths and what not. Or I wish I could come up with something like Sara Blakely (well really I wish I could just work for Sara Blakely….the woman is a genius and a personal hero of mine). I just wish I could think of something so clever that Oprah would come calling and I'd then be a millionaire overnight. But that hourglass is quickly running out (Farewell Oprah!!! Daytime television will never be the same!), so I can pretty much flush that idea down the toilet.

What I'd really love to do…..really really really….love to do is become a bestselling author. I would love nothing other than to hobknob with people like Jen Lancaster and Emily Giffin. Can you even imagine?!? We'd meet for coffee and talk about our books and how much people love them (well probably not because Jen Lancaster and Emily Giffin are far cooler than me, but that's what I would do). The fame would be amazing but more than that, I would be doing something I loved and would be writing about the things I found fascinating and if people just happened to be wild over it, it would be a pure bonus. I could work from anywhere, work any hours, and take time off whenever I pleased and it would all be under the umbrella of "Creative Process." I lust after days like that.

Oh well…until then I will just have to put up with ridiculous individuals that use phrases like "romance the customer." Lady, I've got news for you….it's a sweepstakes. There is nothing romantic about that and the sooner you come to grips with it the sooner I can go back to daydreaming about topping the NYTimes bestseller list.



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