Let’s Go to the Movies

As promised, I wanted to share a little cultural activity with you. Last week, my husband and I went to go see Inception. If you haven't seen it yet, please go immediately. Leonardo DiCaprio is as fabulous now as he was in when I was 13 and he was wooing Clare Danes or letting that fat ass Kate Winslet stay on the door in the freezing artic ocean. She's not really a fat ass but did it ever piss anyone else off that it seemed like there was plenty of room for him up there on that GIANT door? That maybe that two timing hussy didn't need the whole thing for herself? I'm just saying…Anyway, I digress. I loved the movie. I thought the visual effects were stunning as was the concept and the story line. There was just enough suspense to keep it interesting without making me feel like I'd ridden a two hour roller coaster and every muscle in my body was tensed up which is how I feel after every episode of True Blood. I'm always waiting for some freaky supernatural creature to come flying out of a closet, a refrigerator, the laundry hamper, whatever. That show is unsettling but oh so fantastic.

Everytime I go to the movies, I think about a memory that will haunt me forever. Indulge me while I tell you this little tale. My sister (who told me today that the outfit I described in my last post sounded a little slutty) is four and a half years older than me. She is the best big sister even if sometimes I wish she would keep her opinions to herself (see aforementioned comment) and even when I was a pesky thirteen year old she would take the time to spend Saturday afternoons with me despite having, I'm sure, better things to do. One Saturday, she took me to see Good Will Hunting. First of all, I couldn't believe I was going to see such an adult movie. Second of all, I had recently cut all of my hair off (literally) and was feeling like a big badass (not the case) and this only reaffirmed that I had moved up a few cool notches (not at all). So I came sauntering into the movies and as I have always had a tiny bladder, I was instructed by my sister to go to the bathroom before the movie started. She asked me if I wanted her to wait for me and I huffily declined, informing her that I wasn't a child and that I would find her in the theater. Well, another movie had just let out and I got stuck in a longer line. By the time, I made it out of the bathroom, our theater had gone dark and I couldn't adjust my eyes. The theater wasn't that full so I called out my sister's name and heard her respond back. Still slightly disoriented, I moved forward and went to place my hands on the seat back so I could try to adjust my eyes. As my hands came down, all of a sudden I realized there was a person in that seat and I now had my two hands placed squarely on the top of this person's head!!!!!! I panicked but I didn't know what to do so after about three uncomfortable seconds of using this person's melon as a hand rest, I decided the only logical thing to do was disorient them further and make my escape. So I pushed the persons head forward with such force and took off sprinting to the other side of the theater. I could barely breathe when I told Kate what was going on and she almost wet her pants from laughing at me. She assured me that the person could not have seen what I looked like and that they wouldn't be able to tell who it was in the theater that had accosted them. We spent the next two hours trying to suppress inappropriate laughter and then when the lights came on, to my horror and my sister's delight it was just us and this older gentleman in the theater. The jig was up and I'm fairly certain he had no doubts about who his attacker was.

That feels good to get that off my chest. I must issue a public apology to the man that I gave whiplash to. Sir, I know you were probably just trying to spend a peaceful day at the movies. You had no idea that a short haired, bumbling idiot of a thirteen year old was headed your way. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and what can I say…No one's ever grabbed my head in the theater but I can assure plenty of other weird things have happened to me so Karma has come back ten-fold. I hope we can be friends and I hope you didn't have to wear that neck brace for too long.

I'm still a little wary walking into theaters even now…